While i feel as if i’ve been swimming in the Snake energy for the last five years, it is ‘officially’ upon us if gazing through the lens of ancient Chinese astrology.

Shedding. Releasing. Dying . . . again and again . . to be re-birthed, unburdened by the constraints of That Which Was. Without judgement, but with neutrality, compassion and understanding for what It served.

i turned 44 this month, a chance to glimpse back a bit, allow the recent solar journey to wash over me and illuminate what the integration may be inviting - right now and as i set my sights forward.

i am a student of the Gene Keys, a profound spiritual technology that offers humans a unique blueprint (think an intersection of Human Design, astrology, the I Ching and the Jungian lens of archetypes) to their higher purpose/dharma. It offers insights to working with the fabric of our personal realities, leveraging our shadow frequencies so that we may uncover our greatest gifts that lie within. If you are here reading this, you will almost certainly be drawn to its poetically rich, divinely powerful influence. Without trying to explain it any more than that right now (it is steep + wide), i returned to my personal Hologenetic Profile over my birthday, and revisited the Gene Key that sheds light on the Gift of my Life’s Work (#61): Inspiration.

“What separates inspiration from other heightened experiences is that after inspiration, you are permanently altered. Even a brief flash of true inspiration will change the way your awareness operates. Through inspiration you are being prepared for an even greater experience than you can yet conceive. The path through the 61st Gift is necessarily a very creative path, since true inspiration destroys some aspect of your inner delusion, thus releasing a great surge of trapped energy in your body and life. Such energy naturally seeks an outlet through creativity. Creativity is the single most important Gift for drawing humanity out of its mass psychosis.”

i peek back into my seasons of my life and see how i have, of course, always been on this trajectory; the ways inspiration-via-creative-outlets has flowed through my interpersonal worlds and the realms i gave to others via education, our family health food store + restaurant, and more, is evident and true.

Here’s what’s being repeatedly shown to me: the willingness to allow oneself to be changed MUST be present if we are desirous of living an inspired life. This means that we MUST be Open To The More, to lovingly and adamantly look at and tend to what is standing in the way: our attachments, our fears, our insecurities. It asks us to explore and practice releasing ideas/judgements/emotions of What Was so that we can create abundant room for What Could Be.

This is wildly brave + transformative work, because if we allow our inner-awareness to grow, shift, expand, that tends to bring about a mirrored effect in our outer-worlds . . . read: change. So, the work is becoming friendly with change. To not resist it, to understand and re-frame the fear-based narratives we have built around it. To recognize how imprisoning they are to our spirit and the way we perceive and interact with Life around us.

These last five years have been all about this energy of letting go - shedding many layers of ‘skin’ as i lay myself at the alter of change — allowing, softening, releasing, and exploring how the paradox of surrender gives rise to further rootedness, inner-sovereignty, and courage to live the life i am here for.

All this to say, my friends, i see myself stepping even further into spaces where i play with this dharmic path of fearless inspiration, (even-more)-vulnerably sharing what my experiences have been/are.

So. Prepare to (likely) be triggered.

i learned about and began adopting a powerful tool almost five years ago, and i’d like to pass it forward it to you now (if it’s not already in your Toolbox).

The 5 T’s:

Trust

The

Trigger

To

Teach

How aware are you, in the mundane moments of your day, when you become triggered, when Some Seemingly Unsuspecting Scenario plays out in your field, but finds you reeling with a variety of uncomfortable sensations? Here are just a few signposts of activation, or what to ‘look’ for (which can come ‘out of nowhere’):

• Physically- jaw clenched, shallow breath, throat/voice either shut down (withdrawn, mute, closed off) or expressed outwardly (arguing, yelling, etc), heavy in the body, tightness, stomach ache, verbally and/or physically violent, weak/faint

• Emotionally - anger, envy, jealousy, resentment, defensiveness (keep in mind it may be difficult to name these in the moment)

• Mentally - thoughts of judgement, criticism, deflection/blame, victimization, “otherness;” racing mind, traveling down past or future “rabbit-holes”

Being triggered, activated, is NOT a comfortable thing. A quote i’ve loved and lived by for a long time:

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

or, in the words of a life-long yoga guide,

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. ~ Bryan Kest

Learning how to turn towards our discomfort/pain/fear with loving curiosity about what it is trying to show us, teach us . . . this is next-level shit, people. Nothing in our culture actively promotes that we do this; rather, internal-triggering is the very fodder for various forms of armoring, “other-ing,” and violence. In disrupting the pattern of feeding further into this, we are invited to shift our perception. Here’s what i’ve been playing with as i’ve been giving space to understand these uncomfortable activating forces, and shifting the relationship i have to my own triggers and how i respond to them:

ALLOW - create space to ALLOW for and tools to support the feeling state (don’t skip this part!!!). Any and all practices that support a healthy connection with my body-as-messenger are vital to establish safety within myself first so that i can move into useful mind activity (because all that rabbit-hole travelin’ is exhausting, unnecessary, and takes me out of the present moment). Connecting intentionally to my breath, maybe taking time/space away from others to allow the intense energy/emotions to simply exist without judgement/shaming; moving my body, getting into nature if possible, etc.

ACKNOWLEDGE + STAY CURIOUS ~ When i’ve attuned my nervous system, i can move more openly into a practice where i acknowledge, however uncomfortable it may be, that whatever the “external stimuli” is, it’s not really/only about that. i’m making space for a new signaling system to develop, whereby “what that person said/did,” “what happened”…..’that’ was my unique-to-me signal to be alert, to notice what’s arising, and bring curiosity around what is underneath ‘this.’ i ask myself “i wonder…” questions and become an inner-detective for what this external scenario might be reminding me of, some fearful story it could be affirming, a boundary that was potentially violated, or evidence of a lack of boundary (just to name a few).

LOOK FOR PATTERNS that helpfully connect/affirm some potential realms i have been (consciously or unconsciously) avoiding out of some flavor of FEAR. How is this showing up in various spaces at different times with diverse people? In other words, What is the common denominator within ME that i’m noticing?

lastly,

DIG IN TO THE WORK. This is the Work that is only mine, a sacred responsibility that i have to get clear within myself so that i don’t unconsciously project my shit (my pain, my wounds, my imbalanced emotions) out into the world and onto other beings (whether i ‘know’ them, love them, or they’re complete strangers - it doesn’t really matter - it’s all energy i’m emitting). Because, ultimately dear ones, this is the world we are living in: a world of people projecting mostly-unhealed aspects of themselves onto others. Which then creates more pain + more suffering — IF we are not conscious/aligned within ourselves. It is my job to look at my fear, and it is your job to look at your fear, and recognize that our personal realities/life circumstances are constantly giving us opportunities to uncover this — if we are brave enough to see our triggers as gifts to explore that-which-we’ve-been-running from. Hiding from. Numbing and distracting ourselves from. Avoiding at all costs.

(ps, This is a process whereby the support of a therapist would assist in navigating often deeply unconscious territory within the psyche, as triggers can and often do have their roots in not-so-obvious places).

Here’s a somewhat painful truth:

If you are living an authentic life that is true to you, without causing harm to others, you are guaranteed to trigger people.

That, however, is (actually) not your responsibility. That is theirs. You cannot make someone feel something. Another way to put this: don’t take others’ triggered responses personally (this.is.not.easy). What is coming up for them is for them; it is a reflection of their own blockages, blindspots, wounds and incoherence within them…. and (actually) nothing that you really need to worry about (except when their response to your authentic expression of your life elicits outwardly negative or violent reactions that breach a boundary of yours — then enact steps to reinforce that boundary/take necessary action).

i know that for me, understanding and integrating this wisdom has been a game changer. It helps me both soften my outward judgements towards others, working with said judgements as a mirror to reflect on my own perceptions, beliefs, conditioning and inner/outer alignment.

Here’s the thing: i know that i can trigger people. i know that simply by living my life in the ways i am, some of them still considered ‘taboo,’ questioning and rebelling against paradigms of normative ways and programs we’ve all been trained under — this activates emotions within others. i have explicitly been told ‘i want what you have’ or ‘i have some jealousy about how you’re living your life.’ i also intuit when people have ‘heard enough,’ and effectively change the topic or simply don’t reply. Working with my own triggers allows me to understand when other people get activated by something about me, that what i am sharing is likely bumping up against aspects within themselves that they are perhaps unsure how to work with, unwilling to look at, and/or completely unaware that these shadow states exist within them at all. In these times i get to practice bringing this compassionate awareness in, and not take on others’ energy/emotions/responses personally (again — soooooper challenging, especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser).

With further throat-chakra-opening ahead, i’ll be diving into some specific examples of how navigating triggers has taken shape in my relationships.

Also ~

i want to write more on death and why it would behoove us all to contemplate our relationship to it….like, now.

i want to share about raising my teenage son in a polyamorous, split-household dynamic

i want to discuss what it means to re-mother myself as i’ve needed to create space from much of what i inherited in my childhood

i want to excavate my awarenesses about my divorce, and the gifts that have shown up in its wake

i want to talk about the sexual awakening that inherently has been/is a massive part of my broader, spiritual expansion, my relationship to pleasure, my body, and connection to the Divine

i want to write about what it means to deconstruct my own inner-patriarchy

i want to tell the origin story of Amy + i, how our beautiful-intense journey of long-term polyamory/ethical non-monogamy over distance has catalyzed profound growth . . . for all of us

i want to let you in on how i’ve been riding waves of my own jealousy, and what i’m learning from it . . . in real-time (oof)

i want to attempt to relay the unfathomable impact that psychedelic medicines have and are making on my path

i have some speculation that elements of these offerings could initially feel uncomfortable...? My heartfelt intention is that however it may land for you, whatever may be feeling activated, it opens up something within you that you are invited to muse, question, let go of, try on or go after for yourself, or adopt as a lens that better-supports how you wish to show up differently in your world.

It has been, and continues to be, the loving act of self-permission-ing - to serve beauty, Truth, and honor this expression of existence the best i am able, even when it feels lonely, even if i am ‘misunderstood,’ especially when it is hella-vulnerable. May me living my most-inspired+courageous life give space and permission (if ya need it ;-) to live your own badass story to its fullest, too. This is not a dress-rehearsal, folks. The time is always ripe to shed fear + bravely emerge into the life you are here to live, with the ease and naturalness of a snake releasing what it has outgrown.

Two years ago, i began writing here on Substack, my initiatory piece entitled, “as within, so without.” Two revolutions around the sun and it is still the undercurrent for what i bring here ~ it is the way of the warrior poet, the peaceful rebellion, the prayerful path of unity consciousness:

(may we ALL) “be the change we wish to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi

…or the glitch in the matrix, whatever fits best for you ;-)

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In honor of the Year of the Snake, i am making these beautiful, twisted serpent stained glass pieces! If you are inspired by the wise, transformational energy of these mesmerizing creatures and would like to support my budding glass-art business, please direct-message me here on Substack “chat” (or reach out if you have other pathways of connecting with me ;-)

26cm tall by 15cm wide

Can be any of the pictured colors, or let me know which color(s) you would be interested in. Each one is hand-made in my home studio, imbued with love.

$64 ea (local pick-up in Colorado Springs; extra charge for shipping)

Sincere gratitude for supporting my work ~ please share with anyone who you think may be interested in intercepting with (any of) my offerings.

Now . . . it looks like i’ve got some writing to do ;-)

i’ll be in the Notes section on the in-betweens.

Until next time ~ sending love.